Broken wings

So I originally started this blog to talk about my endeavors to start a little craft business, but the more I write here the more I realize its about me too. Its so you can get to know me. And so here I am.

One of the things I really really struggle with is a very severe anxiety disorder. And if you have never experienced an anxiety attack its so easy to be skeptical. Let me explain, Its like an overwhelming fire that starts high in your stomach and spreads through your lungs. Air is a non factor. It won't come in and you cannot get it out fast enough. The lurch in the pit of your stomach could roll anyone. Your heart begins to hurt. Your throat is absolutely on fire and closes.

There is an actual biological thing happening here too. Your brain is telling your lungs you need more oxygen and you start to breath faster. But you aren't actually breathing deeply enough to get rid of the CO2. So your lungs tell your brain that you still aren't breathing enough you need more oxygen, and the more you breathe the dizzier and dizzier you get. Hyperventilation.

And your mind - is gone. Its racing over and over and over. No logic. No sense. Just the same terrifying thought(s). You cannot change it. You can't actually die of an anxiety attack, but I promise you, you'll wish to be dead. Its easy to scoff, which makes experiencing one even worse. Because the majority of people really don't understand. They want you to just stop. You can't. You really can't. Its paralyzing. You would rather sit at home and hide then live, for fear of running into a trigger and even more importantly having this happen to you in public. That alone can trip it.

I struggle with this every day. I am the most logical and practical person. And every day I have to plan out my logic to try and ward off the attack. Some time it works and so many times it doesn't. Including today. so Today you are all my support. Talking to you is my attempt to focus my way out of this. Here are my broken wings. Please don't judge them to harshly.