Time Flies when the world is upside down. . .

Hello,
I know I have not written in so very long. But things have been quite hectic here. While there have been breaks in the swirls of chaos, it has mostly been a blur. I don't want you to think that I have forgotten you, i haven't. I just wanted to pull myself into a much more positive state of mind before I wrote much.
I do wish you all the very best in the new year and hope to be back to updating you with tales of my life and The Lucky Duck very soon. Take care. I'll be back soon.

MIA and beyond words

My mom finally got out of the hospital almost a week later. Two days later, my house was broken into, robbed and ransacked.I have no words.

MIA

Hello,
I'm sorry I have been away. My mom had some rather major complications following her surgery and I have been busy and a little preoccupied. I promise I will post again soon and have stories and updates for you all. I hope your Thanksgivings were wonderful.

Already Thankful

This past week has been so very stressful. Between work and personal issues and Lucky Duck growing pains and my mom. My mother suffered a heart issue that would cause it to beat very irregularly and this week she was scheduled for a corrective surgery. And while she was nervous about the procedure, she was very hopeful. I, on the other hand, was a wreck about it. You see, I think the world of my parents. They are amazing role models, leaders. They are my heroes. I simply do not know better people and I can only aspire to be something like them. On top of that, she is one of my best friends. The thought of surgery messing with her heart made me physically ill. But I am so very pleased to inform you, her surgery was yesterday, and while it took three times as long as originally planned, She did great. Its all over and hopefully she will get to come home today! I cannot express the relief that has washed over me the last 24 hours. I am so happy.

I also took more steps for my little Lucky Duck. I found a place in the house that will make a great little studio for the time being. It just needs a little work (and a little more heat) but I'm really excited about it. It will not only be a great little spot to work but in a crazy busy house, I've found a place to escape. I can't believe it took so long. It was truly just staring me in the face!A few adjustments and I'll have a Lucky Duck HQ.

And the cherry on top of this deliciousness, My logo is done! I have a wonderful friend, Tom, who is an amazing graphic designer and he came up with a beautiful logo for me. I hope to debut it very soon. but first the trademarking. I couldn't be happier. That means I'm only a hop skip and jump away from business cards and postcards, banner and avatar for my shop, and the Lucky Duck is really about done. Tom, for the record, you are wonderful! Thank you so much.

Little Engines and Climbing Mountains

I did it! 100 hours+ later I finished my very first item for The Lucky Duck. Its a beautiful banket that my boss requested to give as a gift. It is a very warm yellow with a cream ruffle trim. It is so very soft and I was so pleased with how the ruffles fell. I tied it with a chocolate brown satin ribbon, gift ready. I promise to try and have pictures soon.

I am also very excited that my little logo is in its final stages and my business cards are all designed and ready to be finished. I also have designed matching postcards for my thank you notes. Its coming together. Little by little.

However, in all my excitement and hope- I can't help but be a little scared for my Duckling. Its rough out there. You can't miss it if you are anywhere near a TV, or computer, or paper. . . Its everywhere. Crashing economy and people sitting tight with everything they have. I know I do. This is a very difficult time to be pushing my little dream through. My head is filled with so many "what ifs". I can plan and read and prepare. . . but-

I just don't want to see this fail. I find myself trying to be very much like the little storybook engine- I think I can I think i can I think I can. . . We just have to get over the mountain.

A new day, a new revolution

Currently I sound lieka very poor Disney villan. My throat is on fire and i have to push it to continue to talk to all the patients here at work. Which, I will tell you is not helping the situation at all. While many are cocking their heads and wishing me well. . . I still hurt.

Thank God its Friday and next week I return to my normally scheduled program. So far at this desk I've gotten sick, been yelled at by a mother who lost her kid, been coughed on, had to touch germy germy papers, messed up all sorts of appointments. . . and the list goes on. I'm not sure whyI was put up here to begin with.

Anyway, sitting up here has given me a bit of time to think. . . well when I could hear my thoughts over screaming ill behaved brats. . .

So yes busy musing- And I have come to the conclusion that those who believe that everything happend for a reason must be the strongest people. I can't do that. Its those people that pull me through. So to them I say, keep being strong. You are hope. And while I struggle with that concept, I believe you are right. And further more I believe in you. We do learn from everything, events make us stronger, I don't know why some of us seem to need to be so strong, but. . . if we learn something- anything. . . then there was a reason. We learn and grow. And trials do come to an end. Sometimes it truly feels unending, but there is an end to it. A reason to keep going. So do not give up. A new day is coming tomorrow-

After its all Said and Done

While the rest of the country is in an uproar, celebrating or mourning. . . I find my self more lost in thought. I thought it was a difficult election. Both sides had winning qualities, both had drawbacks. Perhaps picking the lesser of two evils is too strong a statement, but I struggled. I myself have a pretty conservative out look but this country needed change. It needs positive change. People need something, someone, to hope and count on and I believe any individual who is willing to bear that weight is one worth respecting.
While I made my decision, and I will keep the details of that decision to myself. I am pleased that a final decision was reached, the first step of change has been made. I pray it will be in the right direction. And for all who feel they lost, take a moment to consider: You took part in a very historical election. There has never been one quite like this. And while your candidate may have lost, he is a very honorable American and has done well and will continue to do good.

Thank you. Long live democracy.

You are Your Brothers Keeper

Given certain current circumstances, I would just like to take a moment to say to everyone, my friends, my loved ones, complete strangers: Never forget we are each others keepers. Words are often exchanged in anger, but never ever should words lead to anything more. We are, everyone of us, so much more important than that. No exceptions.

Its so easy to forget. To write it off. To explain it all away. No anger. No stress. No anxiety. nothing. You are worth more than the world.

Oh Christma- Wait its only november first!

I walked in the local superstore this weekend, terrifying as that maybe on any normal day, but on this day I walked in on a shocking act. Right there in the middle of the store, in the front door way no less. . . Putting up a Christmas tree. Next to the 50% off Halloween things. You know Halloween that we just had two days ago. I was completely unaware of the war going on between these two huge groups. The Halloween treats and spooky things lurking on the shelves waiting to grab you as you wonder by. Plastic bones reaching out at you. But now perhaps I understand their previously misjudged enthusiasm. It is not quiet desperation. Hurry Hurry and take us home, They are coming. . . They lure us to them with bags of candy. . . and upon arrival, it is already too late.

Carnage. The poor reaper and super zombie lay battle ridden, dead on the floor and standing over them, the boxes of brightly colored wrapping paper and bows. Gleaming in their new packaging. Victorious. Seeing this I must quickly look away, almost too much to handle. But ducking around the next aisle does me no good. Giant green and red displays have made their presence known. Shock and amazement rattle me. . . not even two full months till Christmas, and the little singing animals sway back and forth chattering their glee.
*sigh* I gather what I came for, cast one more pitiful look at the bones and double bladed plastic battle armor and slink home to start sketching out my Christmas list. . .

Broken wings

So I originally started this blog to talk about my endeavors to start a little craft business, but the more I write here the more I realize its about me too. Its so you can get to know me. And so here I am.

One of the things I really really struggle with is a very severe anxiety disorder. And if you have never experienced an anxiety attack its so easy to be skeptical. Let me explain, Its like an overwhelming fire that starts high in your stomach and spreads through your lungs. Air is a non factor. It won't come in and you cannot get it out fast enough. The lurch in the pit of your stomach could roll anyone. Your heart begins to hurt. Your throat is absolutely on fire and closes.

There is an actual biological thing happening here too. Your brain is telling your lungs you need more oxygen and you start to breath faster. But you aren't actually breathing deeply enough to get rid of the CO2. So your lungs tell your brain that you still aren't breathing enough you need more oxygen, and the more you breathe the dizzier and dizzier you get. Hyperventilation.

And your mind - is gone. Its racing over and over and over. No logic. No sense. Just the same terrifying thought(s). You cannot change it. You can't actually die of an anxiety attack, but I promise you, you'll wish to be dead. Its easy to scoff, which makes experiencing one even worse. Because the majority of people really don't understand. They want you to just stop. You can't. You really can't. Its paralyzing. You would rather sit at home and hide then live, for fear of running into a trigger and even more importantly having this happen to you in public. That alone can trip it.

I struggle with this every day. I am the most logical and practical person. And every day I have to plan out my logic to try and ward off the attack. Some time it works and so many times it doesn't. Including today. so Today you are all my support. Talking to you is my attempt to focus my way out of this. Here are my broken wings. Please don't judge them to harshly.

Did I do the time warp?

It is only 1230 and I'm done with everthing in this office that I can do. It doesn't help that one of the doctors made the coffee this morning and you could stand a spoon in it. Oh my god I can actually hear my hair vibrating. I think there is a chance I've been moving on fast fwd. However, I still gotta coast through 4 more hours. . . *pause for deep sigh*

On the upside, I got my first piece of mail addressed to Jennifer Aberli of The Lucky Duck last night. I was so excited. Look out reality I'm making a crash landing! I also started reading Home Based Business for Dummies. . . Its actually pretty good. I feel like a dork but . . . I am. A touch on the pretentious side, but a dork never the less.

So here we are. . . I'm going out of my mind. I could be doing so much. I need to get a better avatar picture. I need to retouch photos. I have a blanket I'm working on. Its sunny out and I could be shooting pictures with a kidnapped camera ( >:) )just let me out of here. ok I'm done now. The take home point being, I'm ready to go.

3 hours 45 minutes. . .

Hearts!

I have two Hearts!!! ok let me explain, my little shop that I am building has been marked by two wonderful people as a favorite! I'm so excited. I'm still creating but someone actually two someones have their eyes on my little shop! I am sure this makes little sense to some of you, but if you look up www.etsy.com or even better theluckyduck.etsy.com, you can see what I am talking about. Hooray! What a great way to start a monday!

Computer Blues

ok, thats it, I've officially given up hope for my ancient(6 year old) computer. It is dead and gone, it has ceased to be. It is a late computer. *pauses for a moment of silence*

So of course I have this lovely blooming inspiration for my online business, I've made awesome discoveries of new online sight that i am completely addicted to, have access to a beautiful Nikon D60 digital camera and therefore so many shots I want to polish and edit and create and trusty college computer has bitten the dust.

And now begins the search and longing for a new computer. I know it have certain "specs" but I can't say with any confidence that I know why. I just bob my head and make a another post-it-note reminder (wouldn't a blackberry be a good idea). 2 gigs RAM. Video/graphics card. Not a Mac. . .

And then there is the saving up and the Christmas wishing. Why, dear computer, did you have to kick the virtual bucket? Did I ask so much of you. . . ok yeah I did. But still. . .

Ode to a computer search. *crosses fingers tight and wishes* come on new computer, Find Me!

Tá mo chroí istigh ionat

. . . I don't understand. Not doubt, not disbelief, I just don't understand. How, through perfect eyes, do you not see broken? I know you feel my pain, I can't help but share it with you. . . but you stay, hold me closer. What do I have to offer? When you have seen the stars in the skies at their finest, sunrises and sets in their creation. I'm not a star. I'm not a rose. I'm not even a reflection of the sun or a crystal drop of rain. . . Yet you cling to me. Protection. Unquestionable love. . . . Don't you ever question. . . What can I give. . . Why? My heart and soul, they are as faded and broken as the rest of me, but they are yours if you want. I'd give you every thing dear angel, but it isn't much. I hurt, My angel. My heart and soul do too, are you so sure you want that. . .

Please never leave me. I beg with all my selfishness. I cannot stand with out you.

. . . aingeal coimhdeachta, Tá mo chroí istigh ionat . . .

My "Real Job"?

Ah the "real" job environment. Lets face it, for me, its where I sit daydreaming about etsy, browsing the forums, and making notes of what I need to do later. Now I don't want to give the impression that I'm lazy and undermotivated, its just this job. . . well it takes me about two hours to do what should fill up 8. And I can't just sit here and stare.

So today I discovered Twitter. I'm very excited because I am currently following 67 people and have 12 followers myself. Its exciting "getting out there". The etsy community is so interesting. The support everyone seems to offer is amazing. I hate to sound like I am waxing philosophical here, but you really are part of something bigger, but you as a crafter/artist really matter. I cannot get the Lucky Duck off the ground soon enough.

So to everyone who has peeked at my page and stopped by thank you so much and welcome!

dóchas

To My Guardian Angel

. . . I watched the stars last night. I thought that you might be watching them too. Maybe we sighed gazing at the same star. What do the stars look like from way up there? And once you've seen the light of stars so close, does the rest look dull.

I wished that I could be wrapped in your arms, folded in your wings. My soul is so restless with out your peace. I wonder, in your perfect eyes, do I look broken? Can you see it all? My heart breaks just thinking of what you can see. You have everything before you, and still you hold me.

Dear Angel, I can't breathe with out you. My heart beats along to yours, following. I can't remember how life was before you, how many people find their angels? What makes me so different. . . I don't deserve you dear Angel.

But. . . you are my most perfect treasure. Love that brings tears to my eyes. To your eyes. Dear Angel don't cry. . . its raining.

I love you. . .

Rainy Evening

Last night was an ideal October night. Easy rain falling through chill air. Brushing down leaves, it all looked like a painting to me. Its a bit melodramatic I confess, but I couldn't help musing staring out the window of my favorite book store with hot tea in hand. And to be fair, we were actually there to work on the duck. And we did, amidst stiffled giggles browsing through books of all types, some a bit blush worthy. . .
. . . ahem...
All summed up it was a great night for ducks. Between dodging puddles and grinning through shivers, we took more steps. Splish Splash

Alright, I know I already spilled for the day, but I just started setting up my shop on Etsy! I got chills! Its like shopping for your wedding dress, when you 'just know its the One'. This is it. This is my One. I just wanted to share. Its real!

"So Let it be written. . . "

Alright. I'm sticking to it. I have begun setting dates and deadlines for myself and my "pet duck". Its that scary next step and I'm poised and ready to go. Flight date will be February 22, 2009. Reality hits then.
I won't bore you with individual details of every little step date, but I set them! And I am so very excited. Also the nice lady at Staples is all up to date on the situation too. I am definately one of those people that needs someone to talk to while I shop. I can't help it, its in my nature. She was so nice to ask if I needed help while staring at planners and pens. Thats all I needed, she broke the ice, she really has herself to blame. . . blah blahblah. I realized after the fact that it was almost on out of body experience. I was looking down just dying to bop myself and shush the rambling idiot, but I couldn't. And I'm sure it was an out of body experience for her too, I was probably driving her out of her mind. (I tried to warn you about the bad humor)
Anywya, rambling aside, I am very happpy to announce the goal launch date for the Lucky Duck and I hope you all enjoy the ride there with me.
So let it be written, so let it be done.

Step by Step

Evidently the new chill in the air has been more of a distraction than I realized. Leaves are changing and pumpkins are springing up on steps and countertops all over. After spending two days peeling apples and making pies, and dumplings, and crisps, and applesauce. . . well it took a few days for my hands to uncramp from the paring knife position.

But between falling leves and cinnamon shakers, my mind hasn't strayed far from the Lucky Duck. I can at least claim a few more sketches and a new collection of sticky note reminders. I need to learn how to build my banner, start a little website for the Duck, put together a few sample projects. Functional art. Think pretty and practical. I can scribble down ideas and possabilities for hours, but . . . functional art needs to form. Its the scary next step.

I've spent so long trying to decide what I wanted to do when I "grew up" and now it seems I have landed my answer. (Sorry about the pun. I can't be held responsible for ill attempts at humor. Don't worry, you'll get use to it.) But I do have the answer. Its just the getting there. Step by step. Even if they are small. Baby steps. Its something.

I will continue to draw my inspiration from those around me and as the storms of autumn inspire warm apple dumplings, hot tea and a cozy spot on the couch, I can only hope that storm of ideas and thoughts and goals and dreams continue to come. I'll get there. Step by Step.

Sheep's Wool and Apple Dumplings

Greetings from the desk front once again!

Yes once again I find myself drawn away from the world of records and papers and staring at a computer screen back to my fanasy world. The best part is that this is much more of a goal than complete fantasy. The little studio is my dream but its not that far away.

Eveyday I find myself back on the Etsy website. It just feels like home already. There are so many success stories. So much support. I can't wait to cross from just being a shop browser to shop owner. The community air is wonderful and very exciting.

For example, one of my favorite experiences has been with Markree Wensleydales, http://markreewensleydales.etsy.com, She has the most wonderful handspun wool. It is so soft and absotlutely gorgeous. I am so addictted to it. If you crochet or knit, you should really see her shop.

So I am day dreaming about warm wool and warm apple dumplings. Absolute comfort. I'll get there.

*compord*

*Fómhar*

I found myself rolling out of bed this morning mumbling about how terribly dark it still was. Two days off hardly seemed to do the trick. And while stumbling about trying to miss lazy cat tails and pull on my old scrubs and tennies, I started to drift back to my little dream, in my little yellow house. . .

I love the fall. I can't even begin to explain how much. There really isn't anything I don't like. I'm even ok with winter being the following act. This never use to be the case, I do hate snow. Its awful, but I have found, the thought of curling up with your anamchara in front of a fire in your little dream house, something nice and warm to drink, under a soft fluffy blanket. . . let it snow.

Ok, well let it be winter anyway, we don't want to get ahead of our selves.

So back to stumbling about already daydreaming. . .

On these beautiful cool mornings I could just snuggle in for another hour, warm in my bed. Outside the bright reds and yellows and oranges on my trees will be there when I get up. The smell of apples and fresh hay filter in and remind me we need to go and get our pumpkins soon. There is nothing better than the pumpkin patch. My perfect little studio will be filled with autumn sun. You know, its that richer, gone through a filter sunlight, it makes you sigh and you can't help but smile. I settle into my comy chair and begin going over orders and my lists for the day, cup of hot tea beside me.

The screech of a very angry orange cat yanks me back to the present, aparrently early morning day dreaming and dodging cats doesn't go terribly well. My little house will be waiting for me. Unfortunately, irritable hungry cats will not. *sigh* At least fall really is about here. . .

*mian*

My Mind Doesn't Like My Desk. . .

No, it very much prefers my little studio in my little house in the "sort of country." Its a great little studio, I call it a studio any way. It is the room that contains my imagination made real. The sage green of the walls melts into the creme accents around the room and the air smells of cinnamon and spice. The floor is a beautiful wood with a creme and red rug perfectly centered. I have a work bench counter top in one corner where my madness is spread out. Across from it is a blue desk that use to be my grandfather's. Here my computer stares at me while I work, reminding me of the orders I need to ship out today. On the adjacent wall, I have a lovely window that looks over my little backyard that is currently reveling in the fall colors. And my favorite part of the room, is the over sized overstuffed chair and personal stand alone lamp. Its where I sit and dream. Its where I escape the stress of deadlines. Its where I collapse after working late. And when I'm not in it my golden retriever is. I love this room.

*

The problem, It doesn't exist yet. Its all part of that big picture dream. You know, the grand what I want to do with my life. *sigh* Sadly, I have a ways to go. I'm dreaming and doing what I can, but I can honestly tell you, I can't get here fast enough. And so here I sit at the moment, not able to see outside, resticted from creativity, and my mind is so very far away.

**brionglóid**

Its all just getting started. . .

So there is something very different about blogging on my little myspace page and having an entire page completely dedicated to writing about myself and my thoughts. I'm feeling more than a little self conscious, but friends have encouraged me out here so. . . Ta Da! I am sure it won't take me too long to get comfy, but until I do, I hope you all don't give up on me.
Right, well . . . so I'll wrap it up before I start discussing the weather.
Níl gach uile fhánaí caillte